It’s Sterilized…

I love Dylan Moran and Simon Pegg

 

Oh Black Books…

How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways:

1) I’m In Heaven

2) Delicious Biscuits

3) New Strains of Wine

4) Small Hangovers

5) Prostitute Robots from the Future

6) Frozen Lolly’s

And oh so many more…why did it have to ever end?  3 series was not nearly enough.

 

Shameless

At this point, I have no shame left.  If you like it, come buy my stuff.  Thanks!

 

Amen.

There has been much media coverage on the arrest of Roman Polanski. People are fighting to get him released for various reasons. One thing I think people are forgetting is this though: he raped a 13 year old girl. Why are we fighting his arrest???

I found this article on Salon.com by Kate Harding. One line sums it all up:
“Drugging and raping a child, then leaving the country before you can be sentenced for it, is behavior our society should not tolerate, no matter how famous, wealthy or well-connected you are.”

 

the end of hope…

I have my blood test on Friday to see if this IUI cycle worked…but I’m pretty sure it didn’t. I’ve had no symptoms: tiredness, sore/tender breasts, constantly peeing – nothing.

Even though I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant, when I hear the finaly word on Friday, I know I’m gonna break down. This was our last chance I think. I’ve not allowed my husband to bring it up because I don’t want to think about it yet, but I’m pretty sure we won’t be able to try again. We’ve maxed out every resourse we have for money. We’ve gotten grants, taken out loans, begged from friends and family and wiped out our savings. We’ve got nothing left and no where else to look for more.

It’s rediculous…beyond rediculous that the only reason I (or I guess for a lot of you, we) can’t have a family because insurance does not cover the costs. Don’t I have as much right to a baby as every other woman in America? It’s not fair that all they have to do is have one night of sex and BOOM! Baby…

My husband and I have been TTC (trying to concieve) since January of 2007. We’re coming up on our 3 year anniversary of not having a baby – this is not an anniversary that you celebrate, rather one that you mourn. And I will. I will mourn the child I should have had in October. I will mourn all the children I COULD have had in that amount of time if I were a normal woman. I will mourn the children I may NEVER get to have simply because I don’t have the insane amount of money it costs to make a child.

I’ve been trying to think of ways I can get the money we need to make a child:

1) Find a job that pays me $100,000 a year

2) Get a second job and work every night

3) Sell all of my possessions

4) Win the lottery

5) Make friends with a very rich, very old, very sick person who will give me all their money

Short of any of those, this is probably it. If we wait until my husband is done with school I’ll be about 32 or 33 years old. Dangerously close to 35…

I’ve looked into adoption, because husband and I have always said we wanted to adopt, but that costs even more than having one myself. It just seems so unfair. All I want is a baby. There are thousands of babies out there who need a good home, but I can’t afford them. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BUY A BABY!!!

I don’t know this person that I’ve become. This new person gets upset seeing families walking down the street, or a parent pushing their baby in a stroller. My blood boils when I see a pregnant woman – I actually get MAD when I see a pregnant woman. That’s not fair. I don’t know their story. I’m just jealous. I’ve never been a jealous person, but this new me is. This new me is prone to tears at random times. This new me is never quite as happy as I used to be, though I put on a good face. I hate this new me. I want her to go away, but she sticks around…and I fear she’s here to stay.

 

Springtime in Chicago

So last spring I took a bunch of pictures of the flowers in my neighborhood and posted some of them up here.  I decided the other day to do a video with them and put a song behind it.  I chose April Showers by Caedmon’s Call.  However, instead of putting their recording in, I decided to sing it myself.  I’m not sure WHY I thought that would be a good idea, but I did it, and it’s up for the whole world to see now…yikes.  I’ve VERY self concious about singing alone.  I LOVE to sing…but usually with at least 1 other person if not more.  I prefer to harmonize rather than sing the melody, and I prefer to match the other person’s voice rather than singing in my own, because I don’t like the sound of my own voice.  Having said all that though, I present to you my video…

 

I love books

Yup…I said it.  I love books.  I love to read.  I love the sound of a brand new hardcover book being opened for the first time.  I love the smell of a library full of old books – that slightly musty/dusty smell of old paper.  I love having stacks of books on my nightstand, just waiting to be read.  I love bookstores.  I could spend hours looking at the shelves, trying to decide which book to add to my collection next.  I love libraries – but to be honest, I’d much rather own a book and add it to my own library.

For my birthday, I took every cent that I got and bought books.  I bought:

The Magicians by Lev Grossman

The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan

Club Dead by Charlaine Harris

Fledgling by Octavia E. Butler

I’ve added them to an already huge stack of books that I need to read, and I love that.  I’ve found my new favorite websites.  The first is PaperBackSwap.com – you list paperbacks that you have and are willing to give to people.  Once someone requests a book you mail it to them.  When they’ve received it, you get a credit.  With each credit you can choose one book from someone else who is offering up their books.  Basically this means you are getting a book for the cost of media mail, which is about $2.23 – WAY less then going to your local bookstore or amazon.com to buy it!  I love this website.  I’ve gotten and given out so many books!

The second is Shelfari.com – a place where you make a virtual bookshelf with all of the books you’ve read, you own, you’re currently reading, you want to read and wish list items.  I have 224 books on my virtual shelf.  You can have shelfari “friends” to see what they are reading and get ideas.  You can join groups of people with similar book interests and join in on discussions on book related things.  It’s especially fun because some of my family members are on Shelfari, so I can see what they are all reading!

Also…shelfari just posted pictures up of Neil Gaiman’s library.

I want to live in his library.  The above picture is only one of the MANY they posted, and according to Neil Gaiman’s Twitter account, they didn’t even put up the reference library pics (which he then linked too…more drooling).  I’d even tolerate Hermione the Library Cat if I could live in his library!  Surrounded by that many books all the time…I think it would be heaven.

My library is not nearly as impressive (though, this is just one of my 6 bookshelves):

I keep a running wish list of books that I want on Amazon.com – though I prefer to buy my books from a local place here in Chicago, Women & Children First.  My Christmas wish list that is passed to the family every year is mostly books (for which I always get in trouble, because they apparently don’t want to buy me books).

I’ve always loved to read.  I taught myself mostly, sitting in the library where my grandma worked in the children’s section pulling out books on the very end of the first row, the easy reader ones.  I think the very first thing I remember reading and comprehending as a word was a STOP sign.  I remember the first book I read, though I couldn’t tell you the name of it or the author.  Hmm…I should try to track that down…wonder if the new library in my town still has those…

If I could, I would spend my days curled up reading my favorite books.  My dream world: a secluded cabin in the forest with a roof top porch, a popasan chair or chaise lounge for me to curl up in to read.  The cabin would be wall to wall books – my favs and ones I’ve never read, so that I could never run out and spend my days listening to the birds, feeling the breeze and inhaling deeply the scents of the forest while I read.  Yeah…that would be heaven.

So, here’s to you books, I love ya man!

 

My 29th Birthday

I had a great birthday this year.  Justin and I headed up to Minnesota to spend some time with my family.  My mom hosted a party on Sunday with our family and I got some nice gifts!  We had hot dogs (yum) and birthday cake!

On Monday (my  actual birthday)  we had pizza with my grandparents and then drove up to the Twin Cities for some baseball!  I love the Minnesota Twins, and I always have.  This is the last year that they will play in the HHH Metrodome as next year they will move to the new outdoor stadium, Target Field!!  I wanted to make sure that I got to the Dome one last time.  I sent out a message to my old camp friends that all live in or near the cities and we met up for the game.  Luckily, the Twins won the game!  Hurrah!  Above you can watch a video I put together of the pictures and vids I took at the game.

Thanks to everyone for making my birthday a special one!

 

HOLY CRAP!!!

It’s like I could have wrote this article!!

Read, enjoy, love the nerd girl!

 

Please Help!

I’m posting here a blog I did for my other blog where I talk about my struggles with infertility.  Please read and if you can and are willing, please contact your representatives in congress!!

Hey all…I just found out about this today, RESOLVE’s Advocacy Day.  A group is going to Washington to fight for infertility coverage!  Click here to go to the main page for Advocacy Day.  Below I’ve cut and pasted a ton of stuff from their website.  You can go and read it there, but I thought I’d highlight some of it so you know what this is, and what you can do!

RESOLVE Advocacy Day: Why Me? Why Now?

Today we are in a unique moment in US history where the future of healthcare reform is being discussed in the halls of Congress. Together we need to make sure that the leaders of this discussion hear firsthand what those touched by infertility need in our healthcare system. There’s never been a time in RESOLVE’s 35 year history where we need you more than we do today. Grab your spouse, partner, best-friend or mom and join us June 25 in Washington D.C. 

On June 25, RESOLVE’s family building advocates will be in Washington DC in an effort to make family building more affordable.

There are ways you can help, today.

1. FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO A FRIEND
Share this email with family and friends asking them to sign up to become an advocate and stay informed.

2. FACEBOOK
Change your status to: “Today I’m donating my status to RESOLVE’s Advocacy Day–leading the charge for greater access to affordable care for infertility patients.” (Don’t forget to become a Fan of RESOLVE)

3. BLOG
Let your readers know what is going on in Washington DC this week. More information here.

4. TWITTER
Tweet to all your followers: “June 25 is RESOLVE’s Advocacy Day, visit resolve.org for ways to get involved.”

5. DONATE
Make a generous tax-deductible online donation today to help support our ongoing initiatives to increase access to affordable care.

The infertility community needs to be on the minds of our elected officials this summer as the healthcare reform discussions continue. We can’t do it without you..take action, be generous… and stand up and be heard!

Here is a way you can do something in your area!!!

Federal Legislation

• Contact your Representative and ask them to co-sponsor HR 697, the Family Building Act of 2009.
• Contact your Senators and urge them to sponsor infertility coverage legislation in the Senate.

Info provided by RESOLVE on Insurance coverage…click the link! Some info about Insurance coverage from RESOLVE

There is also a form where you can submit YOUR story for the RESOLVE group to take to Washington with them!  Below I’ve posted what I wrote for them to take.  I feel like by doing this I can help make changes.  I hope you will all do the same!

“My husband and I have been trying to have a child for 2 years. After a year of trying with no success I was referred to an infertility clinic. Shortly after my first appointment we learned that my insurance does not cover infertility treatment, only diagnostic tests. After about 6 months I was diagnosed with PCOS. From that point on, it has been a struggle and everything I can do to keep going in our journey for a child. In January 2009 we finally conceived a child through IUI. It had taken us almost $5000 in drug costs (which were not covered) weekly blood tests and ultrasounds (also not covered) and the actual IUI procedure (not covered by insurance). We were so happy. It had been a long road and we were pretty much broke, but we were going to have our child. In March of 2009 I lost my child. My insurance did cover my emergency room costs, hospital stay and surgery (d&c). However, now we are trying again. We’ve put another $3000 into treatments and medications. This is our last hope. If we are not pregnant (we will find out on June 29th, though I am not hopeful that it worked) that is the end of our trying. We are out of money now. We’ve spent every penny of our savings on this cycle. My husband is starting school in the fall to become a pastor, and we will have no extra income. If this does not work, we may not get another chance for more than 3 years. We want a baby so badly. My baby will be wonderful, beautiful and an amazing child. I can almost see him, I just can not get to him. It is so frustrating that the only thing stopping my husband and I from achieving our dreams of being parents is money. Money should not be a factor in creating life. People are every day making babies without a second though, though for all of us who are infertile, we want nothing more than our babies. It consumes our every thought, our every dream, our every day. The fact that we are not allowed to be parents just because the cost of our treatments are so high is unconscionable. Please help us to reach our goals. Please help us to be able to meet our babies.”