Can you help?

Howdy!  Been a while…I’m sorry about that.  I’m writing today because I need your help with a campaign that I’m running.

Some of you may know that Justin and I have had a rough year.  Not only did we loose our 1st child to miscarriage, but our 2nd as well.  We have been struggling for over 3 years to add to our family with little success due to my infertility issues.  I’ve been diagnosed with a couple of different problems, and hopefully we have found solutions to this that will work.  Only time will tell on that…

Next week (April 25-May 1) is National Infertility Awareness Week, put on by Resolve.org, an organization who’s goal it is to make infertility more known and to support those of us who deal with it.  As part of the Awareness week I’m starting a campaign on Twitter to make the word #infertility a Top 10 Trending Topic.  Now, if you don’t have Twitter, this sentence probably doesn’t make any sense to you.  Basically when people talk about stuff on twitter it is tracked.  Those words or phrases that are mentioned the most get put on a top 10 list on the side of the page and you can click on it to see what people are saying.  Now, these are usually very dumb things like #Justin Beiber or #Oprah, even #nascar.  So my goal is this: On Monday, April 26th we will be attempting to make the word #infertility trending on Facebook!  I’d love to get it to the number one spot, but the main goal is just to get it on there and get people talking about it!  Remove the shame and stigma from the topic!

How can you help?  Just tweet!  If you have Twitter, please add #infertility to all of your tweets on April 26th.  If you don’t, could you help by spreading the word?  The more people we reach the better!  If you want more details, you can head over to my other blog The Long and Winding Road where I chronicle my journey with infertility.  There you can even grab a button to put on your own blog to spread the word.  Here’s what it looks like:

I’d really love it if you could all help, simply spread the word and if you do have Twitter, add #infertility to all of your tweets on April 26th!  Thanks everyone!  Oh, and please comment if you will be joining the campaign!

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April 22, 2010 at 9:06 am 2 comments

My weekend

This weekend was a much needed visit with friends, evening with good music and topped off with a great meal at the end.

On Saturday Justin and I headed to Carol Stream, a suburb in Illinois to visit our good friends Susie, Erik and their daughter (our goddaughter) Jannah.

Here Jannah is showing Justin how to push her baby doll around in the doll stroller.  I think he got the hang of it!

Susie and I took the day and went out for some “girl time”.  Had lunch at Olive Garden and went to the mall to just hang out, talk and window shop.  After that we headed over to Barnes & Noble where I sat and drooled over the books I couldn’t get!  While we were out, Justin, Erik and Jannah had some time together.  I’m not sure what they all did, but I know they did go to a dog sled race.  Here’s Jannah meeting one of the dogs, who was also up for adoption.

I love huskies!  I’m so glad I wasn’t there, trying to convince Justin we could do 3 dogs, because I know we couldn’t!  When Susie and I got home, we got to work on dinner.  We had homemade calzones.  Very yummy!  Here’s Erik getting the dough ready.

Dinner was awesome.  After a bit, it was time for Miss Jannah to go to bed.  The grown ups stayed up and played a game of Settlers of Catan (one of my favorite games).  I won, actually I think I beat everyone pretty soundly and quickly.  The game took less than an hour, which is very rare with that game!

Our night wasn’t over yet though!  We said our goodbyes and jumped in the car to head to the Irish-American Heritage Center in Chicago.  The best blueirishfolkgrass band in Chicago was playing there that night, One of the Girls!!

The beer was a flowin’ and the tunes were rockin’.  It was great to be out with friends, listening to music and just relaxing!  Justin had to head to home early because he had to work in the morning, so I stayed late and then crashed at my friend Abbey’s place.  I’m glad I decided to stay longer, because I really did have a great time, and I needed that kind of an evening.

This is the Obsquatch.  He plays the upright bass in the band.

Here is most of the band: Obsquatch, Tom, Tripp and Sean.  There is one person missing, Mike D the accordian player.  Where is he you may ask??

Yup, that’s right – he’s dancing on the bar, like ya do.

Here are a few shots of the crew having a great time and listening to some great music:

I think he had just said something mean to me…

Trish enjoys the gig…

Me, Sarah, Abbey and Evy.

The next day was V-day.  I spent most of the day at Abbey’s while Justin was at church working.  When he was done he came and picked me up.  We went to Whole Foods because he wanted to make me a special dinner that night.  It was AMAZING!  Scallops (my favorite), lamb and rainbow chard.  It was so so yummy, and beautiful, too!

Malcolm and Inara even got to enjoy the meal.  We gave them each one of the lamb bones after dinner was over.

Inara was VERY HAPPY with her little treat!

Malcolm was a bit, um, demonic with his bone…

February 15, 2010 at 5:03 pm Leave a comment

Music for the Soul

I’ve discovered a new favorite “band”.  I put that in quotes, because it’s actually just one guy who does all the vocals and instruments himself.  The band is called Iron & Wine.  If you’ve seen Garden State, you’ve heard one of his songs called Such Great Heights (a cover of the song by The Postal Service).  That is now one of my very favorite songs ever – and I don’t pick favorites usually, because I love SO MANY songs.

Anyway, I’ve fallen in love with Iron & Wine’s music.  The lyrics are usually a hodge podge of words put together to kinda tell a story.  They don’t always make sense in a linear sort of way, but it still speaks to me.  This is music I put on to just get away from it all.  I’ve been using music for that end a lot over the past few weeks.  I don’t always know what to say myself, but certain songs seems to capture it all for me.  Other songs just let me float away and forget myself for a while.  Resurrection Fern by Iron & Wine is one of those songs.

In our days we will live
Like our ghosts will live
Pitching glass at the cornfield crows
And folding clothes

Like stubborn boys across the road
We’ll keep everything
Grandma’s gun, and the black bear claw
That took her dog

And when sister Laurie says “Amen,”
We won’t hear anything
The ten-car train will take that word
That fledgling bird

And the falling house across the way
It’ll keep everything
The baby’s breath, our bravery wasted
And our shame

And we’ll undress beside the ashes of the fire
Both our tender bellies wound in baling wire
All the more a pair of underwater pearls
Than the oak tree and its Resurrection Fern

In our days we will say
What our ghosts will say
We gave the world what it saw fit
And what’d we get?

Like stubborn boys with big green eyes
We’ll see everything
In the timid shade of the autumn leaves
And the buzzard’s wing

And we’ll undress beside the ashes of the fire
Our tender bellies all wound around in baling wire
All the more a pair of underwater pearls
Than the oak tree and its Resurrection Fern

February 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm Leave a comment

Ask Me Anything!!!

Kate from Busted Plumbing is doing this great “Ask Me Anything” post right now, and I love it!  So, I decided to completely steal her idea and do one as well!  It seems like it’ll be fun, and a good way for people to get to know me better :)

Click on over to my formspring.me page to ask questions and see my answers!  Any really good ones, I just may post here, too!  If you follow me on Twitter or are a friend on Facebook, I’m linked in that way as well.  I think this is going to be a good way for me to figure myself out as well and see where I go from here…

Me during my camp couselor days...

February 11, 2010 at 11:29 am Leave a comment

It’s time for a change

I’m in a rut.  It’s understandable, I’ve had a rough time of it the last 3 years, but I really feel like I need to do something.  What?  I don’t know.  Guitar lessons?  Piano lessons?  I just need an outlet.  Somewhere to go once a week to completely turn my brain off from all things but the task at hand.  Unfortunately those things cost a lot of money (anyone know somewhere I can get lessons cheap?).  Maybe I just need to set aside some time every week to do nothing but practice on my guitar.  I’ve always been very bad at that.  I just need to sit down and play through stuff.

I guess it wouldn’t have to be music related, but I’m kind of in that mood right now.  Just wishing I were better at one of the instruments I do play (piano, guitar, oboe and flute).  Maybe I could take a sewing class?  But really, I’m getting pretty good at that, just teaching myself as I go along.  I would love to be able to draft and create my own designs and patterns, but I should get the basics down first.

This post is sounding depressing – I’m not depressed, don’t worry.  Just kind of feel like I’m spinning my wheels and never getting anywhere.

My life is becoming too routine.  I get up, I go to work.  I do my job.  I have my lunch alone, and usually at work (I need to get out more!)  I come home and by that time, I’m too tired to do anything but sit and watch TV.  I used to hate watching TV, now I feel like that’s all I ever do.  I need to motivate myself to take some action and get off my ass.

I think maybe this is the cold, snow and winter talking.  I promise to be much peppier in the springtime…it’s just right about this time when I start wishing for tulips, rain, worms, mud and sunshine.

February 10, 2010 at 12:19 pm Leave a comment

saying goodbye again…

We had not announced this yet, since it was so early one, but Justin and I were expecting a baby in August.  Unfortunately, it was not to be.

I went in for a doctors appointment on Monday.  I’d been having some abdomen pain, no cramping, just a tight, stretchy feeling. After talking with a bunch of friends and the great comments I got from people on my IF blog  & on Twitter, I had convinced myself this was normal and nothing was wrong. I did however set up the appointment anyway, because I was going crazy having to wait until Feb 8th for my next one!

The doctor came in and I told her why I was there. She said, “If I had known why you came in I would have told them not to schedule you, this is just normal pregnancy stuff. Well, since you’re here we’ll do a regular check up.” She turned on the u/s machine and got started. She had the monitor turned away from me. She was taking a long time to look, and not saying anything. My stomach started to drop. She wasn’t looking at me, just staring at the screen with a confused look on her face, punching buttons. I knew it was over at that point. She finally said, “I’m sorry, but I’m not seeing much growth from the last appointment, and I can’t find a heartbeat. I’m very sorry.” She took some measurements and the baby had only grown 1 day from my first appointment with her. One day. 6 weeks 4 days old, that’s it.

Whatever I thought going into that appointment, I was definitely not prepared to hear that my baby had died. The doctor sat and talked with us for a while, but I honestly don’t remember much. I just wanted to get out of there and go home. She did refer me to a high risk pregnancy specialist so we can figure out what’s causing this and hopefully prevent it in the future.

I can’t believe I’m in this place again. This dark place where I have to live with the fact that my body, once again, could not provide for my child. It’s heart breaking and I just don’t understand it. I’m once again having to find a way to deal with the death of a child, a child that I never got to know.

While I know that my child is gone, my body has yet to catch up with that. Nothing has started to happen yet, though my doctor said since the baby was so young I shouldn’t have any problems passing it on my own. My other child was 8 wks and I had a D&C. I’m not sure about this time. I think it will depend on how much pain I experience. Last time was unbearable, even on the pain meds. I’m hoping I won’t have to have the surgery. I just don’t know what to expect or when to expect things to get started. It’s simply a waiting game right now.

We’ve decided to name this baby Sophie. It’s the name that was in one of the dreams I had (mentioned here). It’s originally from the Greek Sophia, which means wisdom. I’m hoping in this loss that we can find some wisdom. That the doctor can find out why this keeps happening, and that we can prevent it in the future. I really thought I would never survive a 2nd miscarriage, and who knows, maybe I can’t. I haven’t really let myself deal with it yet. I’ve had to be at work all week due to some projects that couldn’t wait. I haven’t had time to really deal with it all. I don’t think I will until it all actually begins.

Thank you to everyone for your love, support and prayers during this time. It really does mean a lot that we have this support system, both in our real lives and in the cyber world. You are my strength and my support through so much of this and I couldn’t do it with out you.

January 27, 2010 at 11:56 am 4 comments

2009 in Books

So as is my tradition, I will post all of the books I read during 2009 – it was a good year in books!

*Midnight Never Come by Marie Brennan
*The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
*A Lion Among Men by Gregory Maguire
*Dead in Dallas by Charlaine Harris
*Pyramids by Terry Pratchett
*The Mephisto Club by Tess Gerritsen
*Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
*Our Stories of Miscarriage Ed. by Rachel Faldet & Karen Fitton
*The Lightening Theif by Rick Riordan
*Deja Dead by Kathy Reichs
*The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
*Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (re-read) by J.K. Rowling
*Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (re-read) by J.K. Rowling
*Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix (re-read) by J.K. Rowling
*Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (re-read) by J.K. Rowling
*Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (re-read) by J.K. Rowling
*The Bermudez Triangle by Maureen Johnson
*Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (re-read) by J.K. Rowling
*Inkspell by Cornelia Funke
*The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
*The Titans Curse by Rick Riordan
*The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan
*The Demigod Files (A Percy Jackson and the Olympians Guide) by Rick Riordan
*Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
*The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan
*Harry: A History by Melissa Anelli
*The Magicians by Lev Grossman
*Fledgling by Octavia E. Butler
*The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
*The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
*Breathers: A Zombie’s Lament by S.G. Browne
*The Memorist by M.J. Rose
*Coraline by Neil Gaiman
*Let It Snow by John Green, Maureen Johnson and Lauren Myracle

January 8, 2010 at 12:27 pm Leave a comment

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Song lyric of the week…

"I bring you pain, the kind you can’t suffer quietly/Fire up your brain remind you inside you’re rioting/Society is slipping, everythings slipping away"
- Slipping from Doctor Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog

Books of 2010

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