Seitan = Satan!!

April 21, 2008 at 3:31 pm 19 comments

It has recently come to my attention that there is a strong possibility that Satan, the arch-rival of God, is attempting to infiltrate the world through Vegetarians. Some of you may have been thinking this for a while, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve uncovered proof of this attempted coup of God’s reign. Just, follow me if you can…

Lucifer This is a sculpture of Satan entitled “Lucifer” by Guillaume Geefs (1805-1883). This is what the Catholic Encyclopedia has to say about Lucifer:

“The name Lucifer originally denotes the planet Venus, emphasizing its brilliance. The Vulgate employs the word also for “the light of the morning” (Job 11:17)…The Syriac version and the version of Aquila derive the Hebrew noun helel from the verb yalal, “to lament”; St. Jerome agrees with them (In Isaiah 1:14), and makes Lucifer the name of the principal fallen angel who must lament the loss of his original glory bright as the morning star. In Christian tradition this meaning of Lucifer has prevailed; the Fathers maintain that Lucifer is not the proper name of the devil, but denotes only the state from which he has fallen (Petavius, De Angelis, III, iii, 4).”

So, the name Lucifer is the equivalent of the Morning Star, the name that has, through tradition, been assigned to Satan, the fallen angel cast from the presence of God.

Now, are you still with me? There is a brand of vegitarian foods called “Morningstar Farms”. They produce a variety of meatless options for vegetarians. The base of this “food” is usually soy or wheat gluten. Wait…wheat gluten? That brings me to my next point:

The above picture is of Seitan, (pronounced say-tahn, sound familiar?) a product made purely of wheat gluten. It is made by taking flour and reducing it to just the gluten. This is then made into “meat” for vegetarians. One such rendering of this “food” is fake duck:

Mmmm…looks appetizing, doesn’t it?

NO – DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE CLAIMS OF BEING “HEALTHY,” “TASTY” OR “HUMANE” – it is all a clever ruse created by the ruler of hell, prince of darkness – SATAN!!!

That’s right folks – vegetarianism is a product of the devil, a clever way of wooing humans to his dark power. He gets them with promises of health, of fresh tasting food, and by making them think it is the right thing to do for the animals of the earth. Well folks, I’m here to challenge that claim!

There are basically 2 types of vegetarians in the world: 1) those who forsake meat for “health” reasons, 2) and those who forsake meat for “ethical” reasons. Now, you can argue all day about the possible heath benefits or risks to eating a vegitarian diet or one that also includes meat. This is not the point people. What is the point? How can any diet that is supplemented by a daily dose of essence of evil healthy??? Think about it, you all know I’m right on this one!

Now, as to those who are vegetarians for ethical reasons, it can get a bit more complicated. I’m all for ethical treatment of animals. I myself attempt to eat meat gotten in a more humane way. I like to know where my meat comes from – that way I know that the animal was treated well, and that the meat contains good vitamins and protein and is not so shot full of chemicals and hormones that the steak on my plate barely constitutes for meat any more. I understand the ethical vegetarians completely. Know where your food is coming from, and know how it is produced. I grew up in a rural community. My family raised chickens which I helped to butcher. I happen to think the chicken is one of the best meats out there! I love eating chicken. Those of us who do eat meat should understand what is required in order for us to have bacon and fillet mignon on our plate. I truly believe that if an animal is taken care of well and butchered humanly, it’s fine for me to eat. Humans are omnivores. That’s the way we were created. We were given animals to care for and to sustain us. Let’s respect that!

Okay…back to the task at hand – ethical vegetarians, if you are truly ethical, and you are unwilling to eat meat even if prepared in a humane manor, I have to urge you do not partake in the food of the devil. Avoid Morningstar and Saitan at all costs. You can’t claim to have good ethics and then join the forces of evil, it just doesn’t work that way!

I have many good friends who are vegetarians. I love them dearly and I worry about the state of their souls. I hope that they head my words and be careful what they put in their bodies. It just may come from the Prince of Darkness himself.

The Devil is trying to infiltrate our world and take over, one vegitarian at a time. Join the fight against evil! Join the battle against edible demons – EAT MEAT!!! If not…well, I see horns, a tail and lots of fire in your future…you have been warned…

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Entry filed under: Random, Ranting. Tags: , , .

Pesach 2008 This is Incredible…

19 Comments Add your own

  • 1. celticwander  |  April 21, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    brilliant

    Reply
  • 2. Tripp  |  April 22, 2008 at 10:06 am

    But I like the stuff.

    Reply
  • 3. Sarah  |  April 22, 2008 at 10:50 am

    Seitan is EVIL says the celiac:-)
    they make shirts that say “seitan is evil”
    and i want one.

    Reply
  • 4. Carly  |  April 22, 2008 at 11:27 am

    And is it any wonder that the other option of “Tempeh” sounds so similar to “Temp-ta-tion”??? I think you are on to something!

    My tofu awaits…

    Reply
  • 5. susq  |  April 22, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    yer freakin’ hillarious 🙂
    And…you’re officially on my blogroll. I haven’t updated that since day one of the blog…no hard feelings or anything!
    Glad you like the flower ring thing….now I just need to fill it with dirt and get some flowers!

    Reply
  • 6. meggomae  |  April 22, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    Carly…I didn’t even see that one! Man that devil is a sneaky fellow!

    Reply
  • 7. obsquatch  |  April 22, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    Quajewitarians are bullet-proof and un-seitan-able. Join us.

    Reply
  • 8. obsquatch  |  April 22, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    I mean, “join me.” Your husband can come too, but only if he shaves those badass chops again.

    Reply
  • 9. Tripp  |  April 23, 2008 at 6:47 am

    Tofu for you.

    Seitan is Good for Me. Mmm…gluttie gluttony.

    Sin boldly. That’s what I say.

    Reply
  • 10. meggomae  |  April 23, 2008 at 9:10 am

    Obsquatch…I shall check with Thorn (that’s Justin’s nickname I gave him last week :-D) And see if he is willing to follow you!

    Reply
  • 11. justin  |  April 23, 2008 at 9:27 am

    Meggo,

    Quajewitarianism requires kick ass sideburns…and your aversion to a stubbly chin lead one to believe that you would prevent me from joining the mass of humnanity know as Quajewitarianism.

    Make up your mind, woman!

    Reply
  • […] few of those who come to Sunday dinner are vegetarians. I really hope they’ve read my post on Seitan = Satan! There were many people there, and a few new faces! We hope that this will be the first of many […]

    Reply
  • 13. Holy Crow « The Joy of Randomness, Part Deux  |  February 24, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    […] far, the post that I’ve had the most hits on was my Seitan=Satan post on April 21, 2008.  The top search words that brings to my blog are Satan, Lucifer, and […]

    Reply
  • 14. JeSUS  |  June 24, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    THIS IS NO JOKE!

    Reply
  • 15. Lenina Huxley  |  January 31, 2010 at 1:57 am

    Its a little sad that some people find it so delightful to degrade what they believe to be everyday Christianity, does it make the food taste better with a spoon full of prejudice?

    That aside, Morning Star foods with a product called Seitan is not so much a joke on behalf of the Christians, people who dismiss much and know little are “beasts of burden and steak on the table”.

    Eat your whatever, just make sure you know where it came from because Morningstar which was started by “Christians” was purchased by Kellogg, a belly full of GMO isnt that healthy, and before you make judgments try to study each religion for yourself,

    you may think you know what Christianity is but if you dont know what people who believe that they are “imbued with the light of satan” believe, then there could be a problem, creating a seed that cannot reproduce or one that has pesticide inside it is good for business, remember, a patient cured is a customer lost.

    Darlings you all have never met any Christians, I suggest you make your devils food at home for the safety of your self and your family and encourage your friends to do the same, so there will be someone left on earth for Christians to argue with.

    Peace,
    Im not in any organized religion
    If anyone of you were offended please pardon, I am only doing research, I lost a bet with another mystery school dropout, I didnt believe him, the word satan is pre-christian and its always meant the same thing in the east and in the west chase down a Buddhist or Franciscan monk if your’re interested

    Reply
    • 16. Lenina Huxley  |  January 31, 2010 at 1:59 am

      i dont expect you to post this, but i would appreciate it if you would do your own research and seriously consider not eating that stuff, if it was called angel smiles i wouldint touch it.

      Reply
    • 17. meggomae  |  February 1, 2010 at 1:02 pm

      Um…I have no idea if your upset at this post or agree with it. I’m sorry that I don’t understand what your comment says. Know that this post was complete satire, and meant to be funny. I am a Christian, and I study all other religions regularly. I have degrees in history, religion and Old Testament with focuses on the Ancient Near Eastern religions, and also extensive studies in Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam. I’m sorry if this offended you, but truly it was meant to just be a funny commentary on the names of foods, that just happen to also sound like words connected to Satan – I really don’t believe the Seitan is a food straight from the devil, or that Morning Star foods are evil. I eat their burgers often and enjoy them.

      Reply
  • 18. Aristotelis  |  February 2, 2010 at 9:22 am

    considering the above argues, “seitan – morning star” marketing idea proves to be a brilliant one.

    Now fact that even their marketing works with argues is a sign of evil;)

    Reply
  • 19. SJ  |  June 19, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    You say the animals should be killed humanely… How is killing in any way shape or form humane? Also, how do you know what pain an animal feels at the time of it’s death to claim it is humane? and if somebody killed you humanely would you classify it as humane? I know I wouldn’t want my throat slit or any other part of my physical body harmed even if it were humane. Why is it, that most animals live off grass and vegetation and humans consume their meat that the grass and vegetation gave the animal, why not just eat the greens and save unnecessary pain and suffering to another of Gods creations? I occasionally eat meat, however, I wonder about the state of the world and it’s consumerism and over consumption of meat without any prayer or thought for the animal except for the fact the human now has a full belly.

    SJ

    Reply

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